I Cant Believe It's Been 5 years...

On this day at this time 5 years ago, I was still coping with the death of my maternal grandmother. I was in a daze and didnt know what really had just happened. All I knew was that she was gone and wasnt coming back. I was 10 years old. I can remember having people coming over and crying and my mom being hysterical. I had just lost the strongest woman that I had ever known. I didnt really know what to make of the situation. Early in the morning at around 5 or 6, my aunt knocked on the door and she didnt have to say a word. I knew what the deal is. My grandma was gone. Although my father's mother is still alive, I wasnt close to her. And to this day I'm still not. When I think about everything that happened in October of 2004, I still get sad. I miss my grandma so much. She was my everything. I envy all those people out there that can sit up and go to their grandma for anything and everything. I envy those people that even have a grandma. I would do anything to get my grandma back! And I would do the same for my grandpa. I actually thought everything was gonna be okay. The best way I deal with death is to realize that it was all in God's plan. God sends us here on Earth to complete a mission. My grandma and grandpa completed their mission and it was time for them to go back home. It's selfish of me to want them to stay here and continue to suffer. In their last days, my grandpa and grandma were suffering both a great deal. They both died of the same thing...lung cancer. I miss them both. I always said that if I lost my grandma, I would lose myself. But somehow I pulled through. I truly believe that with every tragedy you become stronger. God was with me during that time. He was with my mother too. I thought she was gonna go crazy. Her and my grandma saw each other every single day because we lived 2 houses down from her. My mother, my sis and I had to have counseling, which really helped. I give all praise to God! He brought me through the storm! But now I feel that my grandma is in a better place. She's no longer suffering. I also feel that my grandma is watching over the family. I'm now a stronger young woman. I feel that I can make it through anything if I just believe in God and have faith. I'm determined to make my grandma proud. I wanna be just like her! She was strong, loyal, and beautiful! She will always be in my heart! Her soul will live on forever! R.I.P. Grandma! I love you ♥